Saturday, December 31: Sayonara!

It's the end of 2005 and that's about it for me for now. Over the last year I've watched somewhere around 309 feature films, along with various short subjects, TV shows and specials, and then forced you to read about them.

Now I've got to stop goofing around and turn my attention to my various film projects, my MonsterPants website (I haven't updated it since September!) and a few other activities that I'm involved in.

I'm not shutting the site down. I will occasionally write various pieces and post them here and may bring this thing fully back to life in some form in the future. If you want to be notified about any of these updates, please email me and let me know. Otherwise, please check back here at hotaslove.com whenever you get a chance.

In the meantime, you can relive the magic of months past by clicking on the dates up there on the right, under the "The Crypt" logo. And please continue to make use of all of the links on this page and visit all of these other wonderful sites.

Thanks to all of the folks who took the time to read my ramblings and took part in the forums (R.I.P.). Thanks to everyone who sent me DVDs and traded videos with me. I also want to thank all of the folks who publicized this site in publications like Fangoria and The Horror Newsletter.

A special thank you goes out to Reggie Bannister and his wife Gigi for so graciously allowing me to use Reg's catch phrase as the name for this site.

That's it for now. Happy New Year to you all and thanks for stopping by.

JFM

 

Friday, December 30: Machine Gun Etiquette

Back in May we discussed Ken Wood's second outing as masked marvel Superargo. Tonight I revisited the first film featuring the hero in red, Superargo Versus Diabolicus (1967).

In this movie we see the Superargo's origins as he accidentally kill his friend El Tigre in the ring, causing him to give up his career as a professional wrestler. The only two people who have seen the face behind the mask, his lover (wife?) and his former commander in the army, convince our hero to use his unique gifts (nigh invulnerability and super strength) to battle evil.

Superargo does so by battling an evil alchemist who is determined to take over the world. All-out action, involving underwater battles, machine gun fights, flamethrowers and kick-ass wrestling moves, soon follows.

Superargo's mask is a little different in this film than in the sequel. The later mask has much more standard superhero cut, while the one is this film is much more S&M. I, of course, prefer this older one.

Like Bees Saal Baad (1962), the second Bollywood film given to me by Shelly, Phir Wohi Raat (1980), is also a thriller involving a haunted house.

This time, a young woman is plagued by nightmares about her crazy aunt who terrified her as a child. In order to confront her fears, her psychologist boyfriend convinces her to move back into the family estate with a friend. She does so, and begins to see ghosts, even when she is awake.

This is one of the better Bollywood horrors that I've seen. The plot has so many twists and turns and is always engaging. The usual comedic subplot doesn’t show up here until the last quarter of the film, when it comes out of nowhere. Fortunately, it quickly becomes neatly woven into the main story, leading to an action-packed conclusion.

Thanks again, Shelly!

 

 

Thursday, December 29: The Funniest Plague Ever

I watched a little movie from Thailand this evening called Sars Wars (2004). It’s a comedy. It’s a very, very broad comedy featuring superheroes, gangsters and zombies.

The title comes from a future fourth generation strain of the Sars Virus, which just-so-happens to turn people into zombies. We’re told that the disease has taken over the entire planet, save Thailand.

Thailand? Really? That’s weird. Maybe having syphilis makes you immune?

Anyway, the disease eventually does hit Bangkok and makes its way into an apartment complex that the government immediately puts into quarantine. Inside the building are gang members, teenage partiers and transvestites all battling each other as well as the zombie hordes.

With shades of The Return of the Living Dead (1985), the Evil Dead films, Wild Zero (2000) and Demons 2 (1986), there’s tons of gore and non-stop action. Again, it’s a broad comedy. Some of the slapstick it funny, some is painfully stupid, but most of it is of an adolescent sexual variety that would've been too lowbrow for even Benny Hill.

Sars Wars is a stylistically garish film, with quick cuts, garish colors, loud music and some animated sequences. These elements make for a cool movie in my book, despite the film’s low IQ.

A little later, the little lady and I enjoyed John Singleton’s Four Brothers (2005). It's a film of a different nature than Sars Wars, but just as over-the-top.

 

 

Wednesday, December 28: Big Trouble

It's currently some sort of "Armageddon Month" or something like that on The History Channel, so my better half has been watching every single special on tsunamis (one of her greatest fears) in order to give herself nightmares.

On top of all that, she suggested we watch the mega-disaster film, The Day After Tomorrow (2004), on cable last night. She's been apologizing to me ever since.

The lovely and talented Shelly generously gave me a couple of Bollywood DVD's for Xmas. The first of which, Bees Saal Baad (1962), I watched today.

Released more than a decade before the cycle of gory films from India in the 1970's & 80's, this film is similar in both plot and atmosphere to the "gothic-noir" films made in the US in the 1930's & 40's.

As with many of those earlier American films, Bees Saal Baad is a traditional "old dark house" story. Our hero returns to his family's cursed estate to find the place filled with restless spirits. He is the last of his line, as over the years every master of the house has been mysteriously murdered in the adjoining swamp. The local village is filled with stories of the lady ghost that haunts both the marsh and the mansion, not to mention a more than a few shady human suspects in the murders.

A moody tale with an excellent cast, Bees Saal Baad is a great example of a Bollywood horror-thriller from a subtler, more civilized period.

After several delays, I finally went to see Peter Jackson's King Kong (2005). Although I'm a huge fan of Jackson, I had fairly low expectations for this one. I ended up loving the film, and wondering if he's the only filmmaker left who is capable of making a solidly entertaining blockbuster.

Anyway, I'm glad I waited the extra couple of weeks, because I got to see the extra-special "additional scene" that they are now running after the end credits. For those of you who missed it, I'll now describe it to you. If you don't want to ruin it for yourself, then please cover your eyes:

The final credits leave the screen and all goes black. Then it’s back to the street where Kong lies motionless. The avenue has been blocked off and the spectators have all gone home.

Suddenly, Kong eyes pop open and he lets out a terrifying roar! The screen goes black and we hear the army guards screaming as the giant ape makes his escape! King Kong lives! I can't wait for the sequel.

 

 

 

Monday, December 26: Holiday Hangover

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I did. Above is a photo of me celebrating the season with Ron Perlman and Laree Love at Glass Eye Pix HQ. Soon after we left, the place was broken into and robbed. Hooray for the holiday spirit.

And now, the movie report. I'm a little behind:

I think it was last Wednesday when my better half and I watched Team America: World Police (2004). I only mention this for the sake of the record, as we're really not about big-budget mainstream stuff here.

No, this site is about cheap little films like the one I watched on Xmas day, The Gingerdead Man (2005). It's another one of those Charles Band tiny monster things.

Everyone's favorite nut-job Gary Busey plays the killer cookie. Sounds amazing, right? Unfortunately, this Chucky knockoff is pretty lame, even by Full Moon's standards. The movie's one-hour running time feels like an eternity, as several stock characters run around a tiny bakery and still manage to get trapped by themselves.

The title monster never really comes into its own. He's little more than a snickering puppet, making this a sadly missed opportunity, considering the casting. Just another dash or two of the magic that is Busey would have made this little morsel a whole lot tastier.

Aside from this little bakery-based horror, we also watched several of the usual holiday TV favorites and, of course, the traditional Yule Log. A lovely day, indeed.

Today was all about checking out the new Doctor Who, David Tennant in "The Christmas Invasion" (2005) special.

Wow. It was quite possibly the best episode of the new series. Great work from Tennant and the the whole supporting cast. I'm now dying for the new season to begin in the spring. This was one gift from the BBC that truly was special.

 

 

 

Saturday, December 24: Seasons Greetings

Tuesday, December 20: File This

If it wasn't for the New York transit workers strike, I might have gone to see King Kong or the Narnia film tonight. Instead, I stayed home and sat through Robots (2005). That's a fact, not a recommendation.

In hopes of some more entertaining science fiction fare, I turned to Andrew Lau Wai-Keung’s The Wesley's Mysterious File (2002). Before I get too far, I just want to say that most people hate this film.

Being a big budget (for Hong Kong) event film with a star-studded cast (including Andy Lau, Rosamund Kwan and the simply magical Shu Qi) that was in production forever, disappointed audience members probably had pretty high expectations for the movie.

I wasn’t expecting to be blown away here. Even though Andrew Lau Wai-Keung directed one of my favorite big-time action films, The Storm Riders (1998), he’s also responsible for one of the few films that I’ve open trashed on this site, The Park (2003).

Between these have been several comic book and fantasy movies that I’ve enjoyed: A Man Called Hero (1999), The Duel (2000), The Avenging Fist (2001) and some more conventional action films that did quite well with the general public. To me, Wesley's Mysterious File fits neatly in with these mid-level, flashy bits of action/fantasy.

The plot is your basic "X-Files" meets "Men in Black", with a little Terminator 2 (1991) thrown in. Two secret organizations (one international, one American) are in pursuit of a benevolent alien. When a couple of not so friendly space invaders show up, (a male called “Kill” and a female known as “Rape” -- there’re a couple of great baby names for all of you expectant parents) things get ugly.

There are tons of what would be considered “cheesy” CG effects in this film. But the way they are used and the objects that they represent (monsters, etc) surpass any shortcomings in the realization department.

The first hour of the film is far better than the last third, but as a whole the movie is still worth a rental or picking up for a few bucks in Chinatown.

It’s got aliens! It’s got explosions! It’s got monsters! It’s got Shu Qi!

I don’t know what everybody’s problem is.

 

 

Sunday, December 18: No Shoes, No Shirt

This evening, the old lady and I enjoyed watching Garden State (2004). Soon after, I crept off for a little bit of sword and sandal action with The Conqueror of Atlantis (1965).

It's another big concept film on a shoestring budget from director Alfonso Brescia that manages to totally satisfy the viewer. I especially appreciated Brescia’s ability to successfully shoehorn futuristic science fiction elements into this adventure, which is set in the ancient times of the mythical hero Heracles.

Played by handsome Kirk Morris, the legendary strongman finds himself batting the last survivors of Atlantis. No, they're not living beneath the sea, but in the middle of the desert. Committed to celibacy, the Atlantean's leaders choose to populate their city with male, gold-plated zombies and platinum-haired Amazons.

Heracles main adversary is a mad alchemist/scientist, who looks like Ming the Merciless with a mohawk. Not a bad look for a villain. But a cape and fancy skullcap is no match for Heracles, the mightiest man alive!

 

Thursday, December 15: Indian Style

Wohi Bhayanak Raat (1989) is Bollywood filmmaker Vinod Talwar's take on the US film Fright Night (1985). You know the story: an ancient vampire moves in next door to our young hero who's girlfriend bears a striking resemblance to the bloodsucker's long-lost love.

While Wohi Bhayanak Raat has a similar plot and some scenes are almost identical to the Firght Night, it sports a running time that's twice as long as the American film. The extra time is filled with a comedic subplot and the mandatory musical numbers, including a dance number performed by a bunch of oblivious stoners as they party around the monster's coffin.

This is one of my favorite Indian horror films. One of the main reasons is that the vampire doesn't always look like a handsome man with fangs. In fact, he spends much of the film as a hideous hamburger-faced monster. It's a monster who likes to pick up female victims at the local disco by shooting cartoon hypno-rays out of his eyes to gain control over them.

Wohi Bhayanak Raat is also extremely sexy for an Indian film, with plenty of foxy ladies performing seductive dances and even a racy lingerie/bondage scene. Spicy!

 

Wednesday, December 14: Flux Theories

Man, everybody here in New York seemed to be lined up to see either King Kong (2005) or Brokeback Mountain (2005) tonight. I took the opportunity to dodge the crowds go see Aeon Flux (2005), as it'll probably be out of the theaters in a week or so anyway.

Being a big fan of the original 1992 series of animated shorts and the subsequent series, I was looking forward to the film. I was just really curious as to how such ground breaking and avant-garde material would be translated by Hollywood for the big screen.

Let me just start off to say the film pretty entertaining and would have made a great scaled-down Tomb Raider sequel. But Æon Flux it is not. Most of the elements from the animated series were tossed aside in favor of a much more generic action-adventure approach.

Charlize Theron is horribly miscast. She's far too soft looking (and acting) to portray the sinewy, angular and hardened assassin. She still does a great job, particularly in the way she moves. She’s just physically wrong for the part (no academy-award winning transformation here).

Not so impressive is a bloated and strung-out looking Jonny Lee Miller in a supporting role. I think someone may need to contact his family…

The film's flat cinematography, generic soundtrack and unnecessary voiceover narration complete the job in killing any chance of the film having the cutting edge vibe of the cartoon. But the action sequences are really exciting, the sets are beautiful and the script is well written.

Again, had the film been called "Tomb Raider 3", I'd be raving about how they finally made a good Lara Croft movie. It's an entertaining action film and I really did like it.

It just ain't Æon Flux.

 

Monday, December 12: Hong Kong Ding Dong

At long last, one of the most gruesome Hong Kong horror flix, The Devil (1981) has been released on DVD. Unfortunately, thanks to several errors on the part of the disc’s distributor, you may have a little trouble tracking it down.

The film can be found on Volume 3 of Ventura Distribution's new series, “Tales of Voodoo”, double feature budget DVDs. If you look on Amazon, or even Ventura’s own site, the disc is described as containing The Rapist (1994), which it does, and The Devil’s Express (1976) (AKA Gang Wars), which it does not.

The packaging on the disc itself features and accurate description and stills for The Devil (the 2nd film actually on the DVD), but incorrectly lists the title as “The Devil’s Express”.

To clarify, despite what you read on any website or box cover, The Tales of Voodoo Volume 3 DVD contains bare-bones 4x3 releases of The Rapist (1994) and the English dubbed version of The Devil (1981). Gang Wars: Devil’s Express (1976) does NOT appear on the disc, but hopefully will appear on a future release.

Now that that’s all out of the way, I can simply say that I watched The Devil (1981) on Saturday afternoon. It’s a sleazy and gory supernatural revenge film with some really stomach churning moments. What should be a fairly straightforward story, gets a bit convoluted along the way, but that’s not why we’re here.

The entertainment value of the film is in watching the horrifying of victims of vengeful spells, as they break out in boils and spew forth eels, snakes and worms from all parts of their body. The special effects used are minimal, as the slimy creatures crawling out of the actors’ bodies are the real things. Definitely not for the squeamish.

To lighten things up, I also watched an old favorite of mine, the Shaw Brothers’ Ultraman knockoff, Super Inframan (1975).

This Hong Kong take on such Japanese heroes as Kamen Rider, Super Sentai and the aforementioned Ultraman, is in many ways. More successful than the material it “borrows” from. Great sets, cool-looking henchmen in skeleton gear, more super-monsters you can count and villainesses in foxy outfits make this film a superhero classic.

On Sunday night, the little lady and I watched Joe Dante’s excellent entry in the Masters Of Horror series, “Homecoming”. Dante’s film is a commentary on the government’s disregard for the troops taking part in the invasion of Iraq. The piece very successfully manages to make a statement while also retaining a sense of humor and paying tribute to fellow Horror Master, George A Romero.

See kids? Horror movies don’t just have to be about boobs and blood. They can actually have some meaningful content. Really.

 

Tuesday, December 6: The End Is Near

Here we are, in the last month of 2005. When I fired up this little site, the plan was to track all of the films and related crap that I took in over the course of an entire year and see how I felt about continuing things after that.

Despite the fact that I usually throw these entries up during my morning coffee or while waiting for dinner to heat up, the site does take some time away from what I should be doing with my time, which is making movies.

I still have tons of work ahead of me in order to finish Automatons (2006) and need to have all of the time and energy possible at my disposal to make Satan Hates You (2006) the remarkable film that I want it to be. I'm also a year behind on putting together the remastered new DVD release of CanniBallistic! (2002) with the Waking Dead (2002) zombie short.

On top of that, the site doesn't really get too much traffic and the forums are dead in the water. I'm not going to shut down the site completely. I'd like to keep it going without requiring a regular, almost daily, commitment on my part. At the most, there will be a change of format here in 2006. At the very least, the site will stay up as an archive of time well wasted.

What follows is your final list of required viewing. Pay attention, please.

Fellini's "Toby Dammit" segment from the Spirits of the Dead (1968) anthology horror film is a favorite of my friend Rich. I may be remembering this incorrectly, as it was years ago, but I believe that when he first gave me a tape of it he told me, "I've cued the tape up to the Fellini film. Don't watch the others. Trust me. You'll be tempted to, but don't. They suck. Just watch 'Toby Dammit' it may be the best thing that Fellini ever did."

The tape was labeled only "Toby Dammit". It's possible that I may have imagined the above conversation and Rich had actually taken the time to make a dub with only the final “good” story of the three included in the film. He's like that.

And of course, he's right. While Fellini's contribution to the film may be one of his finest works, Louis Malle and Roger Vadim's accompanying adaptations of the works of Edgar Allan Poe are relatively lame by comparison. And they don't have Terence Stamp in them.

A few months after Rich turned me on to Toby, my pal Bill insisted that I borrow his copy of The Golden Bat (1966). Superstar Sonny Chiba co-stars in this Japanese superhero action film about a skull-mask-wearing crime fighter. Any character with a skeleton head is okay by me, but when he smacks around alien baddies with a walking stick while letting out a heavily-echo-effect-laden laugh, nothing could be finer. It's a super-cool superhero super-classic from the Toei studios.

Those first two recommendations go out to those of you who have no use for the upcoming holidays. The rest of this month's selections are in the spirit of the season. So take that gun out of your mouth, your head from the oven or that noose from around your neck and pick up your spirits with these little tidbits of holiday cheer:

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), a film about a traumatized kid who grows up to be a killer Santa, caused quite a bit of ruckus back when it came out. The usual uptight squares who just LOVE to stand outside of movie theaters carrying signs, freaked out over the idea of a St. Nick who chops up folks with an axe. Sure enough, they really messed up the film's theatrical release and made little devils, like myself, want to see it even more.

It never screened in my neck of the woods in time for X-mas, but I did get to see it at the drive-in the following summer. I loved every minute of it. Strangely, I've only seen the first of the film's four sequels. Ho-ho-noooooooo!

And then there's Jack Frost (1998). Not to be confused with the schmaltzy Michael Keaton vehicle of the same name and from the same period, although both films are about a living snowman. This Frosty kills people and he does it in style.

I'm not going to lie to you. Depending on your tastes, you may hate this film. It’s pretty terrible and has an extremely stupid humorous tone. But there's this one "kill scene" that makes the whole movie worthwhile.

I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's the one where Shannon Elizabeth is taking a bath. After a few moments, the killer snowman enters the room, and relocates the carrot nose from his face to another part of his body... For what happens next, you can use your imagination, or you can see the film. It's all there in graphic detail.

As bad as this movie may be, the sequel Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000), is far worse and not recommended at all.

Now it wouldn't be X-mas without a viewing of the no-budget classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964). It's probably been years since you last saw it. But any holiday film featuring Martians, a cool robot and Santa in space is worth revisiting.

Back in the 1980's when she was popular, video and late night TV shows used to promote the crap out of this sci-fi kiddie film by pushing the fact that it stars a nine-year-old Pia Zadora. That's right, there was actually a time when the name "Pia Zadora" had marketing clout. The movie is readily available on a million different cheapo DVD releases.

That's it for what you'll be watching this month. As for me, I have a few other holiday favorites that I plan on enjoying:

Everyone loves the Rankin/Bass classics. I don't think anyone my age lets more than a year or two go by without seeing our favorite, The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974). But don't forget to check out the operatic and delightfully pagan The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus (1985) as well.

Of course, the Rankin/Bass body of work was the inspiration for the best thing that Tim Burton ever slapped his name on, The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), which I seem to enjoy more and more each year.

We never miss the Boris Karloff / Chuck Jones tag-team thrill of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966). Just be sure to watch it on VHS where the Grinch is actually green and not the crappy mustard color that he is on the new DVD version.

And to all the ladies over at the sorority house -- don't forget to drink every time somebody says "who".

I don't mean to be so Christ-centric here, but I just don't know of any good (or even bad) Hanukkah or Kwanzaa films to recommend. Which is a shame as I can think of dozens of ways to kill a man with a menorah. and a movie about a malevolent spirit of vengeance possessing a dreidel would positively kick ass. Hmmm... It's a good thing I'm writing this stuff down.

Anyway, we could all try making like Wookiees and celebrate "Life Day" by watching The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978). But who am I kidding? Aside from the cool animated segment that first introduced us to Boba Fett, the thing is unwatchable.

I do have my own dorky little holiday tradition, other than recording Animal Video Holiday Specials, so that I can watch that clip of the pissed-off cat attacking those caroling ladies over and over again. It’s watching the underrated "Batman: The Animated Series" (1992) episode, "Christmas with the Joker". This particular entry in the cartoon series really sums up why I love the Caped Crusader so much.

So while I'm in a confessing mood, I’ll admit that I'll probably also pop the final "Thunderbirds" (1966) Christmas show into the DVD player as well. But what I'm really looking forward to is the Christmas day screening of "Doctor Who" (2005): "The Christmas Invasion" on BBC-1.

Since I live in New York City, I won't be able to see it until a few days after X-mas, when some kindly Brit makes it available to me, but I am planning to see this new Doctor before the New Year.

That's it for today. I'd wish you Happy Holidays, but the month is still young.